Dear Abby: Browsing the web engenders a sense of inadequacy | Columnists
DEAR ABBY: I am a lesbian. My girlfriend and I have been together for a few months now. We fell in love quickly and are preparing to move in together. I’m really excited about this, but an “incident” happened recently while we were spending time together.
We were watching TV and I noticed she was on a website that looked at women wearing bikinis. At first I thought, “Are you serious? Right in front of me?” So I looked and asked him the question. She looked at me and said, “What?” It made me feel incredibly uncomfortable.
I know she loves me, but she doesn’t understand how hurt I was to see this. It made me feel like I wasn’t enough. What should I tell him? Should I break up with her? Or am I wrong to feel this? — RIPPED IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR RIPPED: Your relationship is new. Looking at pictures of people in bathing suits is hardly indicative of a porn addiction or a clue that you aren’t “enough”.
Before you move in together, you both need to talk about it, and you ABSOLUTELY need to learn how to deal with your feelings of insecurity because if you don’t, they could possibly drive out one of your love interests. Please get to know each other for a longer period of time before taking your relationship to the next level by moving in.
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DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to “George”, a wonderful man who has adult children. He and his ex went through a bitter divorce several years ago. His children mainly blame him, but he always tries to maintain a relationship with them.
The two youngest seem to have accepted it over time. Her eldest daughter, however, is very close to her mother and always bitter. She’s getting married and told him she doesn’t want him to bring any guests. George and I have been living together for a year, and it was never a secret that we dated before. I don’t know how to feel about this. I have no relationship with his children, but I would like to be there. How should I solve this problem? — LEFT OUT IN THE EAST
DEAR LEFT: In plain English. Ask George what he thinks about being expected to go alone to his daughter’s wedding considering he’s been living with you for a year. (Is he expected to participate?) When you do, point out to your fiancé that if his daughter is allowed to dictate this, it will only be the beginning, as there will be other milestones that you are also excluded.